Suicide Prevention Walk

This morning was the First Annual South Shore/Cape Cod "Out of Darkness" Walk to raise funds and awareness for suicide prevention.  I was anxious about participating.  From what I understand, most of the walkers are survivors.  This is a therapeutic endeavor to help them mitigate how they feel about the death of a loved one from suicide.  This is not the case with me.

I am nearly 50 years old, and have suffered from bouts of depression since adolescence.  When I was a teen, suicidal thoughts overtook me.  I survived but not without scars.  My daughter is now 16.  That is the same age that I fell down the black hole that nearly killed me.  She has suffered her own dark periods and is fighting to find a light.

I wanted to walk this Walk to confront my own past, but my daughter asked to walk with me (along with a good friend).  This seems like a very positive thing because empathy and companionship are the social answers to deep depression.  But I was a little anxious.  I felt a bit outside of the crowd because the circumstances that bring us to this walk are different (but similar) from others making this effort.  Alienation is not a good thing in my experience.  It is to be avoided.

The disease in play here is depression.  It hurts.  It kills.  And in the killing, it hurts and hurts and hurts.  But there is beauty to be found in the horrible disease of depression, and that beauty is found in the simple connection of human to human empathy.  Empathy was evident at this little local event.

When I fell into my hole of darkness at the age of 16, I shared those feelings with a few people around me.  They retreated out of fear and ignorance.  Maybe they didn't want to say the wrong thing that might push me over the edge.  Maybe the thought of suicide was just too awful for them to consider.  This much I KNOW from personal experience:  If someone comes to you and tells you their pain is too much to bear, you cannot say a wrong thing that will push them over the edge.  All you need do is listen.  Turning your back out of your own weakness is the wrong answer.  Listen.  Listen.  Listen.  That's pretty damned easy.

And if you can't do that, how about coughing up a few bucks for the cause?
You can do that here - http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=1836&participantID=298342

Thanks for reading.