BuckPad

What is a weef?

2011-12-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

It is an action or noun referring to the act of scratching or otherwise stimulating another person in the chin/neck region.

The weef came to being in the Myersville (Maryland) Elementary School of the United States in the mid to late 1970s. A group of rambunctious boys who sat in the back seats on a long bus route contemplated the ramifications of the vibrating bus, their desire for intimacy with their fellow male riders, and the homophobia that was endemic in their culture.

One of the boys felt inspired to infer that his seatmate was having scrotum to mouth contact. (This was a form of insult in the culture of the time.) He did this by scratching his friend's chin and pronouncing "Ahhhh...bus relief". This was the first known weef.

Of course, the seatmate (or weefee) was confused. He expressed his confusion to the weefer.

The weefer explained, "Ah...bus relief. I'm scratching my balls. Ahhhh..." Several boys were amused. Very amused.

In the following days, the boys in the know did this to each other on the bus. Other children observed the behavior along with the accompanying amusement of the participants and wished to join in.

There was a boy who was not particularly popular and was not able to sit in the back seats of the bus. He had a speech impediment which made him a subject of derision. He wanted badly to enjoy the intimacy and amusement of the others and attempted the "bus relief" chin scratch and said "Ahhhh....Bus Welief."

The boys in the back of the bus (the original weefers) found that this added to their amusement. The adopted the mispronounced name for the act and shortened it to "weef".

As the weef craze moved from the bus to the playground and was handed down to underclassmen, it lost much of it's original homophobic bullying intent. It became a form of play. Boys would have "weef battles", attacking each other by surprise or forming companies of "weef warriors".

I left Myersville long ago, but I believe the practice has died in the current generation. It never quite had the impact of the similar wedgie.

Lulu - Loutallica, Lou Reed & Metallica

2011-10-26T10:09:00.003-04:00

This is a 90 minute collection of music that comes out next week. I have listened to it a few times all the way through via ear buds and car stereo. I don't like Metallica. I don't have anything against them, but I just have never gotten any sort of charge from their product. I do love much of Lou Reed's work, though not all of it. I have seen a few reviews of this current release, and have yet to read anything truly positive. That's what inspired me to write this.

Lulu is brilliant. Both acts bring their respective skills to bear with moving results. These pieces are character and situational studies. Spoken free verse poetry and metal riffing come together as you would expect from these artists, and there is much going on here that provokes an emotional reaction in me. The characters are sick, the situations are violent and amoral. Sex and pain. Need and conflict. It is necessarily harsh. Lou comes off like a beat poet at times, James Hetfield growls and shouts, Ulrich pounds, Hammett wails as expected. My only complaint is that 'Junior Dad' could have been edited back a bit.

The surprise is in the emotive results. It trips my trigger many times. I dated a girl who could have been the voice of "The View". I know a few "Junior Dad"s. These are characters and situations that speak to my reality. The musical techniques and technical specifics of the sounds fall by my wayside in the face of these emotional connections. I don't know how these men did this, I just know it hits me. It hits me over and over again.

These characters and situations feel real and horrifying to me. I hear people without morals, unashamedly telling us about their love for each other. It feels like the darkness that I have lived and strive to escape.

But it is not a party album. Don't expect a Metallica kinda feeling, because it is not here.

If the Red Sox were mine, I would...

2011-09-29T08:38:00.001-04:00

Fire the entire coaching staff immediately. Sit down with Jason Varitek and offer him the Manager job. If he refuses, offer him any job in the organization that he wants short of full-time catcher. Player/coach, Manager, Pitching Coach, Bench Coach, pick the Manager, anything he wants. Get rid of John Lackey and Jonathan Papelbon. Do what you need to get the following players committed for next season: Jacoby Ellsbury, David Ortiz, Scutaro, Pedroia, Lester, Buchholz. Do not offer any of these guys up for trade bait. Avoid any big money free agents or big trades. Retire JD Drew and Tim Wakefield. Carl Crawford should be on the roster but field any offers for him. He is mediocre. Find a coaching staff but avoid any old farts for the Manager job. Young blood from within or without is needed.

Up from the beautiful earth and back

2011-09-27T20:58:00.001-04:00

It came up from God's most perfect little heaven on earth
Nurtured in the sunny freshness of American pastoral perfection
Fearing God, loving the flag, respecting elders and loving all its playmates
Healthy food, clean air, white skin, hard work, daily schooling, weekly churching
Just enough above average to feel special, but not so special as to be detached

The community of love strengthened it beyond the sum of its parts
It stiffened and strode about the land with the LoveGod power at its core
No obstacle was too big, no person could resist its charm
The thing shared its power with one who wished to share the godly glow
It formed a partnership with her, convinced of their own promise
The partner had its own strength, and all things were its bitch
The partner was equally convinced of the strength she took from God's love
She fucked the thing for love and when it didn't love as her God expected, she crushed it
She saw the thing shrivel into a ball as it reached to her allies for help
The allies stepped over it in deference to their beloved friend

It collapsed in a heap on a stack of hay
Surrounded by the community of God, but alone in Godless desperation
The hay rotted beneath its body, soon to become nourishment for the livestock
It felt the rot of God's circle of life drawing it to a natural death
The thing welcomed its own demise, ready for the pain to stop

But it was too weak to execute its own destruction
It lived on in its own pathetic rotting state of God's grace
There was no escape from the realities of love, cruelty, righteousness, strength, weakness and death
It just continued in simple houses, simple beliefs and simple habits
No one wanting for a change

Toe Very Proud (a meditation on pride)

2011-06-17T14:23:00.006-04:00

I've lived for 48 years. I've kicked asses and mowed grasses. I've walked and run. I run far less these days, but still I have all ten.
Today I proudly remove my shoes and flash my ten toes for all to admire. A great and glorious God betoweth me with them, just as he bestoweth his Son on the world. The ten best toes I have ever seen on my feet.
Some of them are straight. Some not so much. But I'm proud of each and every one of them. The biggest and the smallest of them are each important to the foot to which they are attached, and in turn to me where the foot leads upward to my soul.
I sucked them when I was an innocent baby, as God intended. But they don't suck now. I've maintained them with socks, shoes, soap, water and clippers. Whoopee for me the bearer of the best toes on my feet!

Watch this space as I attempt further meditations and stuff my head up my ass.

Biblical Irony

2011-04-23T20:47:00.004-04:00

Matthew Ch 6. The intro to The Lord's Prayer:

verse 5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven...

Not =

2011-04-15T16:10:00.006-04:00

I'm not like you, much as we're the same
Things are different, despite the appearance of similarity
It sucks when that happens, but not for the same reasons
It was a BIG DEAL deal when you acquired that thing, at least to you

Deja vu we jinx each other's words, but I meant something else
Sure feels good when that happens, but not like it does for you
Did you hear about Dave? No not that about, the other one
I loved that about Dave, but you think he's a twit

We are in the same place, we share this moment
It feels like a connection to me, a creepy look of satisfaction to you
I see things in you that aren't there. You don't see things in me that are.
Move on to the next moment, it will be somewhat like that one

We connect, we misunderstand, we love, we fight
Try, fail, joke, flop, cooperate, compete, thank and offend
Strive for that connection, keep tapping the keys together
Sparks appear, magnets touch. God touches us in pairs when we find it.

Parents and their shit

2011-03-24T09:24:00.007-04:00

I'm a parent and I'm full of shit. My parents were full of shit. I suspect that all humans are largely made of poo.

Here's an argument I've seen a few people get fired up about in the all-important Facebook: "The schools" need more God in them as evidenced by the removal of the Pledge of Allegiance from the classroom. Now, I was in a 'liberal' Massachusetts classroom not that long ago and the Pledge was recited over the PA as part of the daily morning routine. I clearly remember the Pledge as part of the morning routine the last time I attended public school 30 years ago. Nowadays, kids are offically not required to participate. In the old days, there was no offical policy but I VERY clearly remember many kids (including me) not reciting the thing every day. Conclusion - there's no difference between the good old days and the bad new days.

Second case in point: Yesterday, I chatted with a guy in my age group about medications prescribed to kids 'nowadays'. He made a very common assertion that we didn't have all this stuff in our day and that kids are imbalanced now because of all the chemicals in the food supply. In our day, we had natural foods and no need for all the medicines to combat the effects of the hormones and other chemicals in food. He then told me about all the drugs he is currently taking to combat ADHD, which he has suffered from since he was a teen in the late 70s. Irony alert!!

The bullshit in these arguments is obvious to me and I suspect that any young person with a thought in their head would be able to think right through this nostalgic crap. I suppose I say things like this myself, but I hope that my kids would be confident and smart enough to call me out. Don't believe them when your elders start with their good-old-days routine. It has always been a line of bullshit.

My Chem, Lu and Radiohead reviews - recent releases

2011-02-25T11:09:00.003-05:00

My Chemical Romance - "Danger Days: ...Fabulous Killjoys...": This is an awesome rock record. Very impressive for a bunch of youngsters from New Jersey. They incorporate all sorts of musical styles and lyrical themes into a cohesive themey batch of tunes based on a concept from comic-book-writer-turned-rock-star Gerard Way. Lots of energy, bombast, silliness, camp sensibilities, misguided anger and pseudo-alienation. I really love it. Listening along with any my snobbish old man instincts in check, it just feels fresh and jumpy. Favorite track: Summertime

Lucinda Williams - "Blessed": Now here's where my old man snob can really take hold. This is a rock rock album. Call it alt-country, country rock or pop if you must. I'm sticking with rock because there are so many styles folded into it. The writing is daring and intimate. No bombast or silliness, just an attempt to express raw small emotions about family, death, God and love. Hate Lu's slurred southern accent if you must, but at 57 she has settled on this voice. She uses it along with her equally settled writing voice to express emotions that matter to her with confidence and clarity. It feels like a mature person expressing some deep emotions with confidence, and that is a beautiful thing. Favorite track: Blessed - gave me chills first time I heard it.

Radiohead - "King of Limbs": Worst of this lot. They have had a fabulous run of records that felt both collaborative and individual at the same time, kind of like a good baseball game. This one feels like it is all about Thom. And while that works some of the time, it just feels like Thom's head is up his ass at other times. Like when they take a simple idea (musically or lyrically) and drive it into the ground for several minutes longer than it deserves, it feels bad. This happens on "Feral" and "Bloom". When they take a good idea and let it play out and cut it off at the right time, it feels good. Favorite track: Codex.

Many Gods

2011-02-18T20:09:00.000-05:00

I sat next to my parents at a nice southern protestant church service for the first time in about 35 years. It seems an innocuous event, but it got me to feeling and thinking. The Holy Trinity is a central tenet of current christian doctrine. It was a compromise, worked out in the early Catholic organization, committed to paper and justified by christian philosophers since that time. I believe people who think and feel for themselves have subtle and glaring differences in their perceptions of the nature of God. The concept of the Trinity is an enduring reflection of the confusion created when people try to reconcile these natural differences of perception. Below are some of my perceptions. Some of them are my current and past beliefs. Some are my perception of other people's beliefs.

The Father: Big Guy looking down from above; observing the subjects he created, pushing them around from time to time, laying down rules, and judging His objects accordingly. He allows his subjects a certain amount of free will on their path. He's got a cool place for them to go after they die if they just work hard enough to please Him. Then there's a not so cool place they go if He isn't pleased. He listens to direct requests and appeals to His vanity, which are the highest form of meditation available to His objects according to His plan. He laid all this stuff out in Holy Books, via his messengers and organizations.

The Son: Righteous human, a strong and magical man. Man of many words edited down by the Father's organization into a handy book of directives. Was tortured and killed as a martyr for the sake of all the Father's favorite created objects. He spoke a great deal of love, but his directives on the meaning of the force and practice of it are very sparse in the Bible. He did say that the most important rules to follow are to love others as you love yourself, and that the greatest act of love is to convince a person to accept your belief in Him.

The Holy Spirit/Ghost: A nebulous kinda person thing. A bit like a misty cloud that can permeate the soul, only more holy than that. Its the driving force inside a follower of the christian orthodoxy that fills the creation with motivation and drive to be righteous. Kind of hard to understand this if you're the typical shallow, meatheaded human.

She Walked In

2011-02-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

She walked into the room, eyes aglow
Frantically, she struggled to appear together
Overcoming her error with noise and a smile
Her awkward extroversion came naturally to her
It appeared as magic to him

He contained his enthusiasm, at least in his mind
She erred, he enjoyed her defensive tactics
He played no offense, for he had no game
But her defense was completely beguiling
She stammered, he smirked and smiled without pretension

She chattered on, unaware of her charm and beauty
He led the utilitarian meeting, fully aware of her grace
As his eyes glittered with her reflection
She felt her confidence and strength grow
The stated purpose of the meeing over, they went for a drink

Hostility or Indifference

2011-02-11T15:00:00.008-05:00

The stage was set beneath the big golden Cross
The girl stood before God and the congregated audience
She felt their eyes burn holes in her tattered clothes
Holes through her hands, feet and side

They measured her against themselves
Thinking her inferior in her mind
She seethed in anger, preferring their indifference
To the burning knives of superiorty in their eyes

The blood of Christ flowed from her wounds
She swallowed her perception of their superiority
Few of them held this perception
But it burned in her nonetheless

No love came from the angry drunken Father
The Mother wallowed in self-pity, she was indifferent
The girl felt gypped, angry and determined
God was her witness, she "would never go hungry again!"

Prideful determination to overcome was her fuel
She rose above her crucifixion
Scratched and clawed her way to mediocrity
"Misses Average" was her dream
Average stuff to accessorise the average life

The woman stood under another big cross in her average clothes
She felt respect in the eyes of the congregation
Wounds were closed, the blood of Christ contained
Loving life and the gifts God had granted her in His blessed Light

A child gazed longingly into her eyes
"Please love me" asked the innocent one in swaddling clothes
Her mouth said "I love you", pleasing the congregation
Her heart said "hostilty or indifference? Your choice."

Expect This

2010-12-31T14:12:00.004-05:00

The tree should be green, full of decorations and surrounded by presents
The ham should be salty and fatty, and not taste like pheasant
The little ones should believe in Santa, the older ones should keep the lie alive
The family should share concrete expressions of love and not jive
Just enough snow on the ground, enough chill in the air
Even the Airing of Grievances should be fair

The booze should be smooth and the drunks should be joyful
People should all know the gift of Christ or shut their pie hole
All jokes should be funny, all the laughs sincere
Even though the comedian told the same ones last year
Moms should love unconditionally and live forever
Fathers should respect, support and never die

When expectations aren't met, there's hell to pay
We crash and burn against each other, and against our own thoughts
We piss each other off and cry in our beer
What we really want is for reality to match our expectations
But it doesn't. Never.
Reality has its own plan, and it doesn't include our expectations

Rationalising anger and hate

2010-12-13T11:35:00.004-05:00

Given the following variables:
Threshold of hate = Th
Acts that cause pain = Ap
Repetition of Acts = Ra
Power of source of acts over the receiver = Pw
Hate = H

I've come up with a formula:
Th - (Ap * Ra)Pw = H

I'm left with these variables and am not sure how they work in:
Love from other sources = Lv
Time = Tm

This scientific formula would calculate the point where anger becomes hate. It factors in as many variables as I could figure. Of course, it is bullshit.

Upton Sinclair's Lanny Budd Series

2010-12-06T10:42:00.004-05:00

World's End, 1940
Between Two Worlds, 1941
Dragon's Teeth, 1942 (Pulitzer winner)
Wide Is the Gate, 1943
The Presidential Agent, 1944
Dragon Harvest, 1945
A World to Win, 1946
A Presidential Mission, 1947
One Clear Call, 1948
O Shepherd, Speak!, 1949
The Return of Lanny Budd, 1953

Thus far I have read the first 8 in the series. It kinda sucks but it is required reading in the Marxist Obama Nazi Club where I spend my spare time, so I figured blogging about it might make it interesting. But seriously....
Upton Sinclair was an American Socialist from the great city of Baltimore, Maryland who was very active in pink politics for the first half of the 20th Century. He was a prolific writer who wrote to illustrate his world view and to make a living while he pursued his political life.
Lanny Budd has been described as the antithesis of 'the ugly American' - an aristocratic American who spent his youth in France and the rest of his life traveling the world. These adventures are a fictionalization of the events of the First and Second World Wars. I am enjoying the journey thoroughly. To me, it serves as a great escape from the current state of my country and world.
The horror and violence of the first half of the last century are presented in the then-contemporary political and cultural contexts of left/right politics that does not exist today. Sure the Nazis are the bad guys and Franklin Roosevelt is the good guy, but through the eleven the reader sits in discussions with Nazi 'appeasers' (aka isolationist) Republicans and Tories, Communists, Socialists, Militarists, peasants and most political leaders of the times. All the while, Lanny Budd has children and marriages and the human events that make for good drama.
Most fascinating for me is the political discussions Lanny has with everyone from Mao Tse Tung, "Adi" Hitler, FDR "The Governor" , "Winnie" Churchill, "Uncle Joe" Stalin and many others all in the context of contemporary political thinking of the day. These books are out of print now, and not easy to find and read. I have gotten my hands on them via the interwebs and my wonderful local library. Its a shame that these aren't more available (because it should be easier for ME), but an even bigger shame that the political contexts of these recent history are lost today.
Socialism is a dirty word, despite the fact that we are living in a more socialist society than we were then. Even more shocking is the way Tories, Republicans and other conservatives embrace socialistic programs like Social Security, Medicare, National Health (in England), subsidized nuclear power and more government activities in the international economy too numerous to list.
I love these books, but I can't recommend them to anyone. It is a long haul, bordering on tedious. The political ideas are archaic. There is no sex and the gore and sensationalistic violence are nearly non-existent. Spy stories without great suspense, war stories without heroic soldiers, love stories without sex, and melodrama a bit lacking in the drama. You might enjoy it if you are a bit of a freak.

My Chemical Messiah

2010-12-06T10:06:00.008-05:00

My Chemical Romance, Roseland Ballroom, New York City, December 3
I took my daughter to see her favorite band in their hometown (they are really from Jersey) on the heels of their excellent new album debuting in the top 10. It was pretty unique experience for me and I've time on my hands today, so I offer the following account.

The hall is in the heart of the theater district and it's advertised capacity is 3000 in general admission with no seating. It was sold out well in advance so I foolishly purchased from a broker for a premium. I was foolish because there was no security at the door and I never took my overpriced ticket out of my pocket.

We stood in a tightly packed scrum through the first two acts that were both very pedestrian. The crowd ranged in age from 10 to 47. First act was Fifteen Farthings (or something like that), and were a boring guitar and synth alternative New Jersey band. Gaslight Anthem was next, also from New Jersey. They sounded to my old ears like Tom Petty from New Jersey. Guitar songs sung by a guy with very limited range about such compelling subjects as New Jersey, New York, stars in the sky, "you girl"...bleh. Two hours of standing, swaying and pushing led to the excitement of main act.

My Chemical Romance ("My Chem") is led by the very charismatic and somewhat androgynous Gerard Way (don't call him Gerry). The guy has a tremendous stage presence and a strong voice. They have a nice combination of (f)artiness, anger and danciness. A very professional and energetic show by the performers who provided lots of movement and a fun variety of sounds, beats and rhythms. A very good band. The crowd was sober, energetic and tightly packed. Moshing and crowd surfing ensued much to the horror of some of the younger kids and parents. As was the case at the doors, there was NO security evident near the stage or on the floor which certainly added to the Dangerous element of the show. Very exciting and nearly overwhelming to my 14-year-old and to her old man. I hung tough through the lame opening acts and an hour of My Chem before heat, age, and dehydration forced me to head for some fresh air.

With this album and this tour I think My Chemical Romance belongs in an arena or shed, which I expect is the direction this tour will head by summer. In the meantime, they have several months in clubs where my daughter and I will see them in Boston this May. These shows should be dangerous and fun like rock should be.

Handel and Hayden Society's "Messiah", Boston Symphony Hall, December 4
I took my wife to see some highbrow Jesus music because it's that time of year. Messiah was written in the middle of the 18th Century and has been performed in Boston annually for 157 years. There is no new album out by Handel and his sexual energy is somewhat lost in the current performances of his art because of the fact that he is dead. There probably wasn't a great deal a sexual energy in the original performances because the artistic concept is selected biblical verses about Jesus Christ laid down to choral, string and some horn arrangements.

This was a new experience for me, and as a rocker I was not aware that buying tickets close to the stage is considered a bit gauche. Sitting close is not conducive to hearing the proper mix of orchestration as intended by the composer and maestro. So, we were seated in the 2nd row center stage. I could look up the noses of the soloists and hear the screw hit the floor when it popped off the first violinist's bow. I could not see the faces of the chorus or get a clear view of the tympanist as he thundered through the singing angel aria.

Handel's melodies, counter melody, harmony, soft, loud, dramatic pacing all while pounding biblical phrases into the ground provided me with some chills and joy. Gorgeous music was performed with haughty attitude by some (Sumner Thompson the bass vocalist) and joy (Sophie Bevan the soprano) and all with professional perfectionism.

Buck's garden tomato, chicken and rice dinner

2010-09-21T18:03:00.002-04:00

2 cups dried basmati rice
Big bunch of garden fresh tomatoes
3 healthy sized sprigs of garden fresh cilantro
1 onion
some red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon (or so) chopped garlic
a little vegetable oil (Buck prefers canola)
unmeasured amounts of salt and pepper
A pound or so of boneless, skinless chicken tits

Serves 2 hungry hombres. Steam up two big servings of white rice. Preferably basmati, cuz its kickass. Toward the end of the rice steaming, slice up the chicken tits in to cubes, chop the cilantro, peel and cut up the onion, and cut up the tomatoes.
Heat the oil is a decent sized non-stick skillet. Toss in the garlic, onions and chicken. Stir it around until the chicken is nearly done. Then toss in the tomatoes, cilantro and red pepper flakes.
Sniff it. Nice? You done good.
Reduce heat to low, allow juice to squish out of tomatoes. Toss in some ground black pepper and a little bit of salt.

Serve over rice. Salt a bit more to taste.

small world Relay

2010-07-28T23:20:00.006-04:00

the wires make it small
smaller and smaller every day
tree to tree, from you to me
twice as fast as on any freeway

there is beauty in this smallness
dogs like to smell each others butts
they sniff and take comfort
in the closeness of their own kind

but the smallness is not entirely natural for humans
we sometimes leave the pack and wander
our frontal lobes, long legs and automobiles make it easy
to leave when asses just smell like ass

and yet the wires continue to grow
connecting input devices directly and indirectly
the walls close in and assume a life of their own
comforting the dog but sometimes twisting his stomach in knots

Pete's Sonic video

2010-07-13T22:49:00.002-04:00

chewing on some anger

2010-04-17T21:35:00.002-04:00

I should expect this sort of thing. Should know how to cope.
Breathe through it. Patience. Reinforce the boundaries.
The object of ire does this sort of thing all the time.
Day in and day out. Decades of this sort of thing.
Never regretting, never apologizing. Always the passive player.
Consistency and longevity ought to give me a certain cynical edge of defense.
It does to some extent. And yet it still hurts.
And here I sit pounding the keyboard with some trite bullshit.
Sounding like a petulant teenager, reaching for a bottle or a bong.
Harming only me with my hurt. Still unable to swallow it completely.
Fucking shit.
At least I can still swear like a petulant teenager. It provides a little relief.

Rorschach test for you to try

2010-04-16T07:42:00.000-04:00

So....What do you see?

Nostalgia, Sour Grapes and God

2010-03-08T08:07:00.013-05:00

My ongoing desire to sort out emotions about my past found some strange sources last week: A fire, an obscure nostalgic book and some economic philosophy.

The church of my youth caught fire and sustained some damage. It is an historic church, a building that housed my 'family of God', and the place where I swallowed its protestant concepts of theology and social religion whole. I later rejected it, when it failed me. But it is interesting to read the accounts in the newspaper of the reactions of the Pastor and congregants. They are deeply affected by the damage to their sanctuary.

The book is "A Road to Harmony" by JD Ballam. Dr. Ballam is a rather learned, poetic writer who was a classmate of mine and grew up in the nearby village of Harmony, MD. Dr Ballam's memoir is a quaint collection of nostalgic stories and images from his childhood 'at the foot of the Catoctin Mountains in Appalachia', or Fredneck County as I have always thought of it with great affection. I can see a lot of my own childhood in these recollections and the romance of some of those memories are still warm and happy.

The economist is the great John Kenneth Galbraith, who in an essay about social nostalgia had the following gem about the great American family farm: "But while farms do grow larger our verbal commitment to family administration remains complete. It provides virtuous, diligent, and God-fearing parents with a unique opportunity to impress these commendable traits on their offspring. Ignorant, shiftless, cruel, domineering, obscene, and incestuous parents are imagined not to transmit these traits to their offspring. In any case they are not part of the accepted lore."

I lived in the bosom of 'God's Country' for the first two decades of my life. My family is one of the oldest in the county. Legend has it that some of my ancestors were Tories who sponsored some of the Hessian mercenaries housed in Frederick, MD that fought for the Crown during the American Revolution. I have often felt like I grew out of the soil in that rich valley, and that a large part of me is made of the material described in Dr. Ballam's book and celebrated in Middletown's Christ Church every Sunday. But truth be told, there's another part of me that shrugged when I saw that the church where I 'found Christ' caught fire. This part of me is not just apathetic about 'Gods Country', it is the part that feels nauseous at the very thought of being there.

It is a part of me that found the sleazy underbelly of small town life. When everyone knows everyone else, people don't need to connect to each other. A village bully might chew up a congregant, spit them out, back up their truck and run over their victim again for good measure. Some of the villagers might stop and ask the victim if they are OK, while others will walk quickly past not wanting to get involved with such unpleasantness. If the bully shows up at church on Sunday and shares some fellowship with a hymn and a pleasant greeting; then no one will question their behavior.

There's something to be said for some of the people I loved back in God's Country. People I still love, who were kind and fun and clearly touched by the hand of God. The love in their hearts and actions are clear signs of His power. I couldn't finish Dr. Ballam's book of nostalgic remembrances. It was pleasant enough for a while, but the sheer repetition and lack of truth in the stories eventually turned my stomach.

Control

2010-02-04T19:42:00.003-05:00

Anxiety had been tossing me around, kicking me and taking my strength. I was trying to catch my breath in my window seat. Headed north toward home with a tailwind. The sun was setting beautifully. Radiohead in my earbuds. Cleansing breaths. Ah.

The plane was in 'some choppy air', rising and falling with the wind. Some of the drops were a little more abrupt than I would like in this state of mind. A big one made my stomach jump. I felt myself clenching the armrest. "Relax, ride along with it," I thought.

I closed my eyes and meditated on that. "Ride along with it." Another big drop. That was kind of pleasant. So much easier when I unclench and ride along with the bumps. Another one...nice. I slowly doze off into a light sleep. Sweet.

Another bump. My id felt that one. Hands grip the armrest. I'm jerked awake. Fucking subconscious fears. Why must you seize control?

My Chemical Black Parade quick review

2010-01-08T10:24:00.002-05:00

My teen daughter asked me to listen to My Chemical Romance's "The Black Parade" in its entirety. I'm old. I backed into listening while doing some plaster work, but it pulled me in on one listen.

The opening tune is "The End", and it sounds VERY similar to the opening song of Bowie's Ziggy Stardust - "Five Years". I tend to absorb music first and lyrics much later, so I got off to a skeptical start. Its a dramatic batch of songs ala Ziggy Stardust, where the narrator dies in the first song and looks at his life from the beyond for the rest of the piece.

Long and short of it, I'm glad my teen like music that doesn't suck. This is worthwhile rock music. It even has a happy dramatic ending (video of that song above). There's a funny little hidden tune after the real close, but its kind of an afterthought. Its full of melodic, powerful music, emotive singing and some pretty heavy topics. Good stuff. I'm too old to get way into it, but glad to have it on my mp3 player.

Power Pop and pheromones

2009-12-04T09:47:00.004-05:00

Fun night at the Boston House of Blues. I'm a Dad, so FWIW....it was a school night, roughly 2500 people for the general admission "Glamour Kills" tour. Mostly clean cut, suburban, teen white girls in the audience. My girls were on the low end of the age scale (13). The bill consisted of Friday Night Boys, Hey Monday, We The Kings and All Time Low (headliners). It would seem that All Time Low is a pretty big deal at the moment judging by the electricity in the hall. I'm no All Time Low devotee, and the vast majority of the material performed was new to me but the excitement in that room was unlike anything I've experienced at a rock concert before. Many thanks to my daughter for taking me there.

Most of the guys there were tagalongs with the girls. Almost no drinking, no pot smells, lots of singing along and dancing. Great clean fun. It was near the end of this tour and the show was a smoothly run, very high energy deal. Cheap tickets due to the corporate sponsorship, which I can't help but applaud.

The bands: Friday Night Boys - sucky. Hey Monday - Very hooky, nice singalongy stuff. Female lead singer/songwriter with a very strong appealing voice. Liked them very much. We The Kings - also hooky and fun with a cute long-haired boy lead singer. All Time Low - Catchy songs, a bit deeper lyrics than you might expect from a powerpop group like this. Cute lead singer boy. Annoying lighting with very few lights on the band and too many flashing lights pointed at the audience.

The sound was excellent throughout until the end of AllTimeLow's set, when the volume was turned up past the ability of the PA to sound good. This made the sound at the end just awful.

Thank My God

2009-11-25T08:12:00.005-05:00

Inspired by Facebook thoughts, I want to express my personal thanks to God. I don't speak for anyone else, don't expect anyone to share my view, and yet I feel a desire to lay my stuffing open a bit for a very small audience to see.

I'm thankful to God for acts of kindness: The person to person type that I can only explain by the existence of a higher power. Yeah, that's probably best described as Love. But its not a gushy feeling of love alone that translates into acts of kindness. There's a mysterious process that happens when the selfish feeling of love becomes a selfless act of kindness. I'm thankful to the God who makes that happen.

Now pass the goddamn gravy. I love that with my stuffing.

I am a Halloweenie...

2009-10-31T08:37:00.005-04:00

...because I'm not a fan of the pseudo-holiday.

This is a day about fear. Inducing it, feeling it, laughing at it and rolling around in it. When I was a kid I noticed that the older kids (like my Dad) thought the fear on the faces of the smaller kids was cute and funny. For them, that was the joy of Halloween. I remember being afraid, and I didn't like that feeling. I'm still afraid as an adult, and I don't like it now. I especially don't like to see it in my kids. I think one of my main functions as a parent is helping them face and overcome their fear, not induce it and laugh at it.

However, it does have its place. As much as it pains me to admit that I have fallen into line with a very current popular craze, I am all about vampires at the moment. I have long loved Anne Rice's vampires, and I especially identify with Louis (the interviewee in "Interview with the Vampire"). I have just finished reading Bram Stoker's "Dracula" and am currently engrossed in an obscure novel from Chelsea Quinn Yarbro called "The Angry Angel" about Dracula and the making of one of the three slaves from Stoker's novel. I don't like Twilight or Sookie Stackhouse, so I hope that allows me to maintain some street cred.

For me the vampire is a great device to deal with the primal fear of death. I can't get enough of a well written vampire novel. Stoker did it perfectly in Dracula by making the undead a mystery to be chased by mortals. Telling the tale in different voices by use of diaries is a great device to pull the reader along. Too much has been written about this novel analyzing it for sexual, cultural, psychological and historical overtones. Fact is, it just rocks.

Anne Rice made her undead appear as human superheros. They have the failings of humans and the superiority of immortality. Their emotions often get the better of them. When they suffer it is usually at their own hand.

Yarbro makes her starring undead character (St Germain) a secular humanistic hero. He has used his immortality to become more rational and decent. He has learned that cruelty is counterproductive to his own survival, he is sustained by the intimacy and love of those he sucks, and yet he continually suffers at the hands of cruel and ignorant humans.

Everybody's friend

2009-10-16T14:44:00.002-04:00

A laudable goal, that
An impossible dream
Protecting one person's secrets can kill someone else
How do you choose?
When in doubt, shut up?
Look out for number one
Now you are your own best friend
Choosing not to stub your toe when doing so could have saved a life
Everybody's friend but nobody's keeper

extremely modest expectations

2009-09-16T10:16:00.002-04:00

Find someone to tell me why I'm wrong and they are right.
Compete with someone over something trivial until someone gets hurt.
Receive a lecture on how I should be more like the lecturer.
Smash my finger with a hammer.
Overcook some food.
Eat too much.

September 11 = fear

2009-09-12T10:34:00.002-04:00

Politicians, both professional and amateur, have tried to make the day about many other things: service, war, sacrifice, freedom, patriotism, remembrance, love, hate, righteousness, God, Satan and other words too numerous to list here. For me, it was and is primarily about fear. I like to think all those other things are simply different ways to channel that fear and deal with it. My choice was mostly anger and anxiety, but this year it is settling into a simple realization that really bad shit happens that I cannot prevent or control at all.

National Chickenshit Day doesn't seem right, so maybe National Day of Terrified Silence would be a good designation.

Perfect random playlist for this morning's commute

2009-09-10T10:36:00.004-04:00

Or maybe I was just in a decent mood for a change. Nah, that can't be it.

Teenage Kicks - The Undertones
Shameless - All Time Low
Missed the Boat - Modest Mouse
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
Cool it Down - Velvet Underground
Pack it Up - Pretenders
Boot-Leg - Booker T and the MGs
We Got the Neutron Bomb - The Weirdos
Light My Fire - The Doors
I Love You So Much It Hurts - Jerry Lee Lewis
The New Pollution - Beck
Neat, Neat, Neat - The Damned
I'm a Long Gone Daddy - Hank Williams
Skttrbrain (4 Tet remix) - Radiohead
With a Little Help From my Friends - Beatles
No More No More - Aerosmith
She Electric - Oasis
Metal Firecracker - Lucinda Williams
Mystery Achievement - Pretenders
Even Flow - Pearl Jam
Summer's Almost Gone (acoustic demo version) - Doors
Afterglow of Your Love - Small Faces
Oh Yeah - Muddy Waters
Piece of My Heart - Janis Joplin

When people understand God's plan

2009-08-09T12:38:00.002-04:00

I believe a God exists. I know this because I can't explain intense, pure, real love any other way. It is a light that must have a source. It can't be explained by any rational means other than it must come from a source that we cannot understand.

I don't understand or accept the religious concepts of God as the creator of all, the big hand of fate, the destroyer of evil, or any other of the myriad roles humans have for their personal God.

Last week was a strange week in the Household. As we were preparing to take a fabulous vacation, I became ill. I felt great physical discomfort for a few days, and saw a disturbing glimpse into the eyes of my family's insecurities. It sucked. As I was recovering, and Misses Buck was canceling our dream vacation plans, we found out that a nasty hurricane/tropical storm was bearing down on the destination we had planned to holiday.

Several cyber-freinds and relatives said something on the order of 'everything happens for a reason' or 'God will work it all out'. My feeling is that if God just wanted us to miss the stormy weather he could have saved us a lot of pain and suffering by simply bankrupting the airline. He could have dumped a rare August snowstorm on New England. He could have given me a winning lottery ticket.

But more seriously, do any humans really think they understand God's Plan? That's another in the great mysteries of human behavior I will never understand.

The Perfect Little Town

2009-07-25T09:38:00.005-04:00

The perfect family in the perfect town
Multi-generational farmers, workers and churchgoers
A gleaming white statue of iconic Norman Rockwell beauty
Milk them cows, bail that hay, build them roads
Hit that ball, tell them jokes, slap your knees
Recite the prayers, sing them hymns, "fellowship" is God's plan.

The farming life has come to its logical economic end
Kids become teens, they smoke their dope, they vandalize as teens do
Ball games lead to sex, drugs, rock and roll
Parents cling to their ideals and traditions
Work, sport, church, jokes, Rockwell
Someone must give in to the other side or failure is assured.

This village cannot raise these children
Only the parents can do that, dodge though they might
Responsibility for the relationships is theirs and theirs alone
No values, no God, no ideals, no Rockwell paintings will suffice
The parents can roll up their sleeves, look their babies in the eye
They can listen and speak, empathize and share their souls
Or they can fail

They can escape this place created for them by unseen generations
Retire in comfort, in another perfect small town
Full of the shared values and images that brought them to this place
Comforted by the church, fellowship and the bullshit Rockwell wrought.

Their children can escape as well
To their own place of perfected ideals, values and fellowship
But there is no escaping the perfect truth
That the person to person connections are dead, never able to rise
Crushed before they could begin
By the perfect ideals, perfect values and perfect pictures
In the perfect little town.

Emotional vacation (some lousy free verse)

2009-07-01T20:03:00.002-04:00

I'm an Outlaw

Half a century of emotional baggage kept them apart
Sure, they drifted in and out of their natural ties
But shit happened.
And happened, and happened, and stayed in hardened hearts
Then the baggage shifted under their feet
They all found themselves knocked off kilter
Someone said 'lets try this again'
And they did, and it worked anew for a few precious hours

The 'youngins' didn't know what hit 'em
For they didn't know what was there
The baggage was between them and the bonds
The outlaws could only sit by and cheer
And give a gentle shove when it was needed
But cheer they all did, for they love their spouses
And know...KNOW that the natural bond is the hand of God
A hand that feels good, and is oh so necessary.

- please don't try to put a beat to this, Brandon. It won't work. :-)

Father's Day

2009-06-20T13:02:00.000-04:00

"huh huh"
"heh heh"
"Peshhht"

Birthdays

2009-05-27T21:55:00.002-04:00

Birthdays as a kid pretty much always sucked. For an introvert, being forced into the spotlight is not pleasant. There are people who feel the birthday boy/girl MUST be pushed into center of attention status and they MUST like it. Doesn't everyone? No, we don't all like it. For me, the ideal birthday would have been peace and quiet. Maybe doing something I want to do. A moratorium on arguments and yelling would have been ideal. But birthdays were designed with the exact opposite in mind. Noise, yelling, boisterous and mostly fake laughter. Funny stories with me as the brunt of some competitive put-downs, followed by forced laughter were the traditions.

Nowadays, birthdays tend to be great. The people I live with (my current family unit) respect and love me. They give me room and yet still embrace me. I don't know how they do that, but they do it right. I can only try to do the same with them.

But I still try to avoid the forced adulation. The birthday wishes from strangers and near strangers, and the office 'party' are the worst of this. That's why I try to keep the actual date to myself. Or at least, that's the best explanation I can offer. I'm not sure why, but I feel guilty about my birthday preferences.

ps. May 27 is NOT my birthday.

Emily Post @ work

2009-05-17T06:12:00.002-04:00

Following is a real letter and answer from today's Boston Globe:
"Q. What would be the best way to solve this issue: A colleague in the cubicle next to mine passes gas all the time?
C. P., San Ramón, CA
A. You have two choices: live with it or talk to him. Which is best is really up to you. Unfortunately, approaching co-workers about personal issues is difficult, even for a friend. If you aren't a friend who has his trust and respect, it will be difficult to have a successful conversation, so you may have to talk with someone who is that friend or your manager about how to proceed. If you are that friend, it's very important not to display an accusatory attitude that implies he's doing this intentionally to annoy you. Instead, if you talk to him, base your conversation on your concern for him as a person and his success as a colleague. Do it with the goal of improving the situation and, hopefully, building rather than hurting your relationship with him. In addition, it's important to recognize that there may be a physiological/medical reason for his flatulence.

Obviously, this conversation should take place in a private place and everything discussed should remain completely confidential. "Tom, I've got to ask you about something that really is difficult for me to bring up. But I know it's something that may affect your chances for success. Is everything all right with you because I can't help but notice how often you pass gas?" Once you've broached the subject and asked the question, you can discuss options with him to remedy the situation, whatever the cause."

Seems a litte to gentle to me. There are times when brutal honesty is called for and this is one of them. Funny how the expert answering the question assumes the farter is a guy but is still insistent that gentle politeness is the way to deal with the situation.

Cruelty and Easter

2009-04-11T07:07:00.005-04:00

At the very beginning of 1980, a person inflicted great pain on me. About a year ago this act of cruelty bore some delayed bitter fruit, it kicked my ass again. I tip my hat to the person who did this. It was a very effective act of revenge. A lie told and protected for the purpose of hurting me. It worked. It also hurt countless good people over the last 29 years. People who I hurt and mistreated, as I shared the wealth of anger and pain that she inflicted on me.

The Easter season brings out a little of the martyr in me. Given the thoughts above, it would seem I still carry some scars from my churchgoing childhood. Good Friday was a day when I was expected to act somber. It didn't matter much what was going on in the current world, all in the church were expected to go to the Good Friday service and act as though we were at a funeral for someone we loved. My Mom liked to picture herself up on the cross, suffering greatly and receiving adulation for the pain endured. That's wrong in so many ways I can barely count them.

There is no glory in suffering pain. Pain just sucks. There's no glory in inflicting pain on others, it is just mean. But there is glory in overcoming pain; through personal strength I have found pride I had not experienced before. It has given me a new source of love for myself. There is glory in the strength given to me by others who chose to be kind in response to my weakness. These acts of kindness and love are also glorious.

Happy Easter, y'all.

The Wallflower

2009-04-01T19:50:00.002-04:00

Small town primary school function night. I'm here with my kid. He's a social kinda guy. I'm not. I hope you're cool with that. It's not that I don't like you. Not that I'm a weirdo. I just want to blend in, but it seems that not mixing it up makes me feel like I'm standing out. Can't win.

I grew up in a small town like this one. In schools like this one. With people like this with habits like this. Good town, good schools, good people. But there's something discomfortingly familiar about it all. I see the beauty in the connections people make. Feel the love for my kid from people I don't know. That's cool, real cool. But there's other things that feel wrong to me, these things keep me up against the wall.

Some parents put their kids in the background, and make everything about them. I'm afraid of doing this to my kid. I don't want to compete. I don't want to get caught up in kid vs kid vs teacher dramatics. I want to support my kid, to be his own person. So, I want to be present but invisible.

Tough one.

"How's the new job goin?"

2009-03-20T08:11:00.002-04:00

Thanks for asking, Dude.
Purdy good. It seemed too good to be true, but after day one I was thinking that it wasn't that good. After day two, I'm thinking it is just that good. It is hard to turn my accounting brain back on after nearly a year of it being off, but it seems to be coming back to life. This is my first new job in over 15 years, so the change is going to take some patience.

So, short answer: Real good. And how're you?

"We want a shrubbery"

2009-02-26T18:48:00.003-05:00

The Punch Line

2009-02-21T09:01:00.002-05:00

I try to discuss, share, engage and intimate
But you're just looking for the punch line
I tell you what I think of the world's problems
You pick out a key word, smirk and deliver the punch line

I'm in love with her, I'm weak in the knees
She saw it as an opening to destroy me
You listen with that smirk, pick out a sexual key word
And deliver your god damn punch line

...to be continued...

ideas are like people

2009-02-14T14:02:00.002-05:00

You can get a pretty good feel for how attractive they are by a very quick examination. You know what you like. Getting to know them better is usually a validation of the impression.

Likewise with ideas. If an idea is attractive at first blush, it is worth exploring deeper. If an idea is repulsive at first, further exploration will almost always lead to further repulsion. I can't think of a time when I have read a book all the way through that looked lousy in the first few chapters. Life is too short, and brain cells too limited to waste thought on unattractive ideas.

Why I hate American Football

2009-01-28T08:50:00.013-05:00

This article:
Boston Globe article on head trauma to football players, along with the annual Superbowl Celebration leads me to trace my personal distaste for one of our most beloved national pastimes.

My hometown was fully engorged with football fever when I was a kid. The community was united in its love of "midget football" (for young boys) and its strong desire to start a varsity program in the high school. The local county school system had funded a beautiful new school because the small town had grown over the years. One of the biggest activists in town to make varsity high school football a reality was my Dad. Dad was known to most of my friends and schoolmates as "Coach". It was the mid 1970s.

Dad coached every sport he could get his hands on, as he loved athletics. He had an especially strong attraction to support football because he was not able to play it when he was a kid. He admired the strength and the camaraderie of the great grunting team sport of football. He loved the weekly event of the big game. Dad coached the youngest of the midget teams, was active in the association that sponsored all the kid sports, and worked hard to get a team for the high school.

My two brothers shared Dad's obsession, while I did not. They reveled in the group machismo of it, I did not enjoy the violence. I didn't like hitting people, and I didn't like getting hit. One year (I think I was 9 or 10), I relented to the family pressures and played one season as a back-up halfback. I shuttled the plays into the quarterback and played every other play on offense. They didn't give me the ball much, but I did give it my all for the whole season. I did not enjoy it, but I stuck it out for fear of being scorned for being a "quitter". At the end of the season, I told Dad that I didn't want to play again. His disappointment was obvious in his pouting. It was not the first or the last time I would disappoint my father.

My older brother was on the first junior varsity team at the local high school, and he excelled as a varsity defensive end despite his small size for that position. Dad was VERY proud, and when my brother tried to ride the athletic glory and fatherly pride into college his size was an issue that could not be overcome. Again, Dad was disappointed. I didn't really like my brother very much, so that gave me some satisfaction.

As I passed through high school, Friday night football was the social event for the community. A large portion of the boys in the small school were on the team. I was not, which made me fairly outcast with my peers and my family. That was OK for me, being outside the culture made it easier to just hang out and socialize. I even enjoyed being called a 'pussy' by the players. They seemed so thick when they did that, it made me feel superior.

When I left high school, my younger brother came up through the system. I had watched him play since he was on my Dad's team as my younger brother took great joy in the game. He also took joy in his father's pride. Pride that he did not see in Dad for anything else he did. My kid brother would have driven his head through a wall to get his father's approval, and that was his style of play. He was a fullback, of average height and a very powerful body. His nickname was Moose, and he lived to play the role. He went into every play with his head. Practice and games from the age of 7 through 17. He lost teeth and was knocked silly on more than one occasion. The especially violent collisions earned him the admiration of coaches, peers and his father.

Moose was not a good student. Girls did not chase him. He did not excel at other sports. He could not sing. But he was a local star on the football field. He was below standards in his classwork, but the high school coach (who Moose worshipped) made sure that his grades were good enough so that he could play. The coach cajoled other teachers to give out better grades than Moose deserved. Of course, my parents were supportive of this as they also loved the community standing bestowed on their boy.

Early 1980s - One weekend I came home from college to see Moose play a high school game and he was knocked unconscious on the field and hauled off to visit with the paramedics on the sidelines. He was diagnosed with a concussion. He had probably received several such injuries earlier in his career, but this was the worst. He spent a few days in bed, fairly loopy.

Moose had no chance of playing ball in college, his high school had pushed him through to graduate but his test scores were not good enough for any school. He tried Community College, but was frustrated by the fact that that he essentially had to repeat the last two years of high school there before he could start college coursework. He drank heavily, but was still 'the Moose' to his old high school friends. Only now he was receiving a similar but different kind of adulation for it. A very destructive one.

I enjoyed the game as a spectator when I was very young. The strategy and violent machismo of it appealed to me then. But my distaste for the game grew as I got older. The militaristic nature of it became more distasteful as my worldview changed. I suppose I became more of a hippie, socialist, elitist pansy. My brothers and my father still love it.

Today I read the above story about damage done to young brains for the glory of football. I picture my kid brother knocked out on that football field all those years ago, having nearly smashed his skull trying to please his father and the community. I picture the tremors he still has in his hands from time to time, the times he seems to kind of space out and the way his temper can flare up (even though he is a very sweet man). I think about the dementia I saw in my 80-year-old mother in law. I wonder what is in Moose's future. I wonder if it could have been different. I wonder if Dad could have found some way to show pride off the athletic field. I wonder if my old hometown is still infected with the same stupidity it was when I was there.

And I hate football. Happy Superbowl, America.
I look forward to April, when Major League Baseball gets underway.

Deafening Silence

2009-01-18T08:48:00.001-05:00

The excitement builds for the inauguration. The noise is getting louder and louder, but it sounds like white noise to me. Business is put on hold, decisions are deferred, tounges are being held. It just feels this way to me.

So very exciting.

Self med for the head

2009-01-14T20:45:00.005-05:00

An itch is in there
Between the wrinkles of my brain
Don't know what it is
But damn, I gotta scratch it

Booze, caffeine, chocolate, nicotine, orgasm, a song
Prayer, chanting, endorphins, denial
Power, money, acceleration, noise, violence
Marijuana, coke, opiates, Prozac

They all scratch that same itch
The itch that God put there
A longing for validation, love and union
A union with what?

Myself, Mommy, Daddy, the family of God?
A soulmate, "the one", a child, myself?
An audience, humankind, a congregation, a community?
Me, myself, a God I can't know, Who and what?

Sometimes I miss my old stomping grounds...

2009-01-12T11:07:00.003-05:00

...sometimes not even a little bit.
I do love many people there, but a little bit of knowledge can be a horrifying thing in a relatively small town. I don't know any of the people in this article:
http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=85021
...but I feel their pain. Guy is a drug addict, loses family, loses money, loses home, loses dignity, commits felonies, loses freedom. Local newspaper prints front page story where a friend discusses his personal opinion of guy. Local paper provides online forum for all to discuss the situation.

This is what happen when Mayberry goes online. The worst comes out.

6-year old rock song lyrics

2009-01-10T18:16:00.002-05:00

I'm gonna get everything
When I'm old
I'll get the whole world
Just watch me

When I'm a teenager
I can play M video games
I can speak Chinese
When I'm old
I'm gonna go everywhere when I'm old
Oh yeah

I need a name for a name
I need a better name for my rock band
I'm gonna find a new name
??????

Pronunciations from back home (Maryland)

2009-01-09T16:20:00.004-05:00

I miss hearing these...
butthole = 'but-ole'
ass = 'aease' (very difficult to recreate)
ambulance = 'am-bull-ance'
another = 'a whole nother'

Thanksgiving

2009-01-01T00:00:00.004-05:00

I know what this list means. You don't have to. In no particular order:

Melanie, Tenley, Peter, Mary Nicholson House Boyer, Lee Evans, Meg Fox, Wayne, Jan, Joanne, Sylvia, Kim, Mary Ellen, Dr Metzger, Dr Perlick, Dr Coyle, Dr Reich, Dr Galbraith, Melanie, Tenley, Peter, Thom, Jonny, Ed, Phil, Colin, Ed & Company, Anne Rice, Terry, Joe, Amy, Donna, Sue, Melanie, Tenley, Peter, Buck, Barack, Hillary, Melanie, Ellen, Mark, Ricky, Dr Judy, Chyna, Courtney, Jo-Ann, Joyce, Mike, Jerry, Tenley, Nicole, Dawna, Bree, Peter, Ms S, Sarah, Mr Fraine, Sonic, Melanie

2009: I hope to experience more...

2008-12-31T00:00:00.002-05:00

Empathy, hope, friendship, international travel, money, beer, health, patience, chocolate, good grades, time, money, longevity, friendship.

2008: I hope to have seen the last of _____ for a while

2008-12-30T00:00:00.005-05:00

Death, cancer, anger, broken-heartedness, cruelty, Republicans, swollen feet, shingles, cracked teeth, ghosts, kidney stones, joblessness, Republicans, envy, interpersonal competitiveness, patronizing superiority, pity, weight gain, the Principal's office, bad grades, Republicans, american football, Republicans.

World's Longest Sausage

2008-12-28T19:16:00.004-05:00

Bucharest sausage meisters broke the Guiness record with an astounding ween that was rolled out for an appreciative crowd this weekend. Salute!

You don't believe me? Ha! Check out the video here
http://news.ebru.tv/en/europe/9254.html

What's Christmas about for an Agnostic Christian?

2008-12-24T08:29:00.005-05:00

I doubt you're curious, but I am. That's partially what Christmas is about - selfishness. Jesus was a baby when he was born, a very human baby. As such he had every right to make the day as much about him as possible. Babies are like that. If you do something for a person you love that tickles that selfish baby spot in them, you have found the Christmas Spirit.

My Christmas is about about tradition and change. The traditions from previous years morph into the behaviors for this year. Get another ornament or light fixture. Figure out how to perfect the menu. So, you f-ed up the gift selection for someone last year. You have a chance to do it better now.

A bit deeper, it ought to be about love. How do you translate the love you feel into the love you make. The ultimate gift from my God is the love I feel for others and the love they feel for me. How to react to it, and act on it is at the bottom of spirituality and (metaphorically) Christmas. In the Christmas tale, God gave the best of his big self to man. He gave up his boy for a few years. Thanks God, you rule.

Bangers and Mash

2008-12-12T11:54:00.003-05:00

"You bit me, bit me, bit me, ow
You bit me, bit me, now I want more

Standing in the hall
Kicking out the wall
It's all been sent to recover hell
The bangers and the mash
The negatives for cash
You're either in the club, baby, or you're not

Whatever turns you on
Whatever gets you off
Chief of police or vice-chancellor
Lord and lady, blah blah
The vicar or the judge
You are dancing to my little red book

Because you bit me, bit me, bit me, ow
I got the poison, poison, and I want more

If you are on top
Then it is a long drop
The pyramid is power
We're changing the hour
If you are on the top
Then it is a long drop
If you stare into the dark
The black will stare back
Back into your soul

I'm taking you down
When I go down
I'm taking you down
I'm standing in the hall
I'm kicking at the wall

Because you bit me, bit me, bit me, ow
Poison, I got the poison, I got the poison now
I got the poison"

Eternal life

2008-12-08T15:17:00.004-05:00

I take the big people in
Impersonate, react
I am their little person in every way
They are my creators, my gods

I love the other little people around me now
Empathize, idolize, react
I want to be only with them
Now they are my people
The creators just don't understand

I trip and fall over my soulmate
This is too big to explain
I want to be within her
We become one...as long as she'll have me
As long as the world will let us

I am a god now
Fuck of the Universe, Creator of life
My new people impersonate me, react to me
They are my products
They are my spawn

I am just a person again
Adult to adult we look each other in the eye
Do you like what you see in me?
I will always love you
I hope my actions tell you that

Big Buck Halls are decked and sparkly

2008-12-07T18:57:00.001-05:00

"Deck the Halls" sounds filthy to me. heh heh

Good morning sunshine, the Globe says "hello"

2008-12-04T07:02:00.001-05:00

From this morning's Boston Globe:

Two more Boston financial companies disclosed large rounds of layoffs yesterday, the latest in a wave of cuts sweeping the local investment industry in the wake of plunging stock markets.

State Street Corp. said it plans to eliminate 1,600 to 1,800 positions over the next several months, or about 6 percent of its workforce. Separately, Wellington Management also confirmed a cut, reportedly 10 percent of a 2,100-person workforce.

Fidelity Investments is in the midst of eliminating 3,000 jobs, and MFS Investment Management is cutting about 90. The Chicago staffing firm Challenger Gray & Christmas reported yesterday that financial firms cut 91,356 jobs in November, the largest monthly reduction since September 2001, when 96,333 positions were eliminated.

Makes me feel like stringing up some cheery Christmas lights.

Prop 8 - The Musical

2008-12-03T10:45:00.001-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Early emo hair, post-modern guitar smashing wannabes circa 1994

2008-12-01T10:05:00.001-05:00

holiday exchange

2008-11-26T08:08:00.005-05:00

This year I'm going to to switch Thanksgiving for New Years. This past year has been so eventful and strange that I want to put an end to it now. So, I'll review the year that was (since last Thanksgiving) and give thanks for all my blessings at New Years.

Last Thanksgiving we had some family here for a traditional social and gastrointestinal extravaganza; very normal, warm and enjoyable. Shortly after that great long weekend I received definitive word that my occupation of 15 years was over. During the next several months three people that I loved died. But the strangest personal occurrence of all was a fast moving emotional road toward self-actualization. It was excruciating and so deeply personal that I cannot discuss it in any detail here.

So, cheers to the loved ones who have passed and year that was. Auld Lang Syne and stuff. This year we are not going to roast a turkey or peel potatoes. We aren't traveling today, and I am definitely not going to the grocery store today. We are going to stuff ourselves at a restaurant and head to the movies afterward. This is a radical change from the past, and a ritual that I hope will turn the page on the year that was. My resolution for next year is to be flexible.

Best clip from recent talking heads

2008-11-17T21:29:00.001-05:00

Paul Krugman is the smart guy on the left, George Will the smart guy on the right. Krugman is telling the truth, Will is spreading standard Republican lies.

Ice

2008-11-17T15:17:00.001-05:00

When the summer night has changed its warmer breezes to the icy cold of silent winter freezes, will you be there?
When the flowers in the windows of the neighbors start to bow their frozen heads and to leave us, will I see you there?

Will you stand by me against the cold night,
Or are you afraid of the ice?
Afraid of the ice?
Ice.
=====
Good stuff, huh? I didn't write it. John Palumbo did.

Spiritual surrender

2008-11-13T09:09:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading Anne Rice's "Called Out of Darkness", her memoir about her spiritual journey from her Catholic upbringing though atheism and back to Catholicism. In this book she makes the very strong and personal point that a turning point back to the Church for her was surrendering to God upon the realization that she would never know the answers to many deep questions.

This echoes my arrival at what I call Christian Agnosticism. I also have surrendered to the knowledge that I will never know the answers to most deep questions, including the nature of God. This seems like a fine logical distinction but it has huge implications for personal religious practice.

"The Shack"

2008-11-09T18:57:00.009-05:00

A friend recommended this book to me. I was moved by it.
A modern Christian fable about a 'joe sixpack' in a deep depression who receives a direct communication from God to get him out of his rut. As is the case with any real relationship with God, it is deeply personal. Mack (the hero) spends a weekend conversing with God and confronting his traumatic past. Parts of it are theology, psychology, new age spirituality, humor, plot twist, character development and just good story telling. I give it two Big Buck thumbs up.

Of course any book as popular as this one with a personal slant on Christianity is going to take a beating from critics in fundamentalist and atheistic circles. This one has taken its hits for being heretical, false, dishonest, misleading, and I'm sure many other criticisms hardly worth my time to look into. It is really just a good read. Call it reality based spiritual fiction if you will.

Most tiresome expressions in the language

2008-11-08T17:58:00.002-05:00

This from the venerable Oxford University:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science

I'll try to avoid using these in the future. They do kinda suck.

6-year old "historic election"

2008-11-05T09:22:00.004-05:00

Breakfast table discussion the morning after the election. The 12-year-old is explaining the historic significance of it to the younger sibling.
Older: "It is historic because the President will be black."
Younger: "What do you mean by black?"
"People with dark skin are called 'black' or 'African American'."
"So?"
"Some people think an African American should not be President."
"I don't get it."

Their parents must be doing something right to have instilled this kind of ignorance in their youngest.

Poison Heart

2008-11-02T18:55:00.006-05:00

A love that kills
A like that hurts
Hide the light away
A cloak of cynicism and ice
"Stay out of my poison heart"
This is the way it felt on the inside

Doesn't look so bad from the outside
A funny person with a chilly facade
Vulnerable and soft
Accessible but trying to stay closed
A good soul stuggling to get out
"I know there is a good heart in there"

Break on through both of you
Let the light shine
Crack open that icy coating
See a few rays, feel a little warmth

But the poison heart knows better
It shuts down tightly
Protecting the good people from itself
Maybe the the heart has something worthwhile inside
****
I didn't realize it when I spat this out, but I'm probably stealing the idea of this from The Ramones' "Poison Heart". If I remember the refrain correctly...
"Sometimes I wanna walk right out of this world
'cause everybody has a poison heart"

Bye Grandma

2008-10-21T14:50:00.001-04:00

"I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see
I just want to scream...hello...
My god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return
But now here you are, and here I am
Hearts and thoughts they fade...away..."

"Will the wind ever remember the names it has blown in the past
And with this crutch its old age and its wisdom
It whispers no this will be the last
And the wind cries Mary"

Martha Stewart hefts a large wiener

2008-09-24T19:26:00.001-04:00

Another best song ever

2008-09-16T14:25:00.000-04:00

Radiohead's Lucky

I'm on a roll,
I'm on a roll this time
I feel my luck could change.

Kill me Sarah,
kill me again with love,
it's gonna be a glorious day.

Pull me out of the aircrash,
Pull me out of the lake,
I'm your superhero,
we are standing on the edge.

The head of state has called for me by name
but I don't have time for him.
It's gonna be a glorious day!
I feel my luck could change.

Pull me out of the aircrash,
Pull me out of the lake,
I'm your superhero,
we are standing on the edge.
We are standing on the edge.

Mediterranean Cruise - Dim Sum Italy

2008-09-09T14:03:00.003-04:00

Family of 4 on Royal Caribbean. Nearly two full weeks on a ship with 2,000 people mostly Brits sailing to mostly Italian ports. I thought of it as dim sum because we sampled so many ports without overdosing on any of them. We spent a great deal of time (mostly Melanie did) thinking about and planning this. It was a premature 20th Anniversary trip for us. We got some great advice (especially from a long-lost cousin) and read up on how to get the most out of Italy. It all came together beautifully. How often does that happen?

First the ports:
Portofino - A gorgeous little hillside port town. A nice first stop because of the small size of the town and how very beautiful it is. Had to resist the urge to spend there, as it is the first stop, a fairly expensive town and the dollar is worth little against the Euro.
Livorno - Two days in this nasty port town with a train station that is a short ride to Florence and Pisa. We skipped Pisa, still struggling with the jet lag a bit and the unpleasant transfers to get to the train station. Spent part of one day in Florence. Florence is a gorgeous city that I would like to visit again. We went through the basilica and took a bus tour around town to get a taste for what the city looks like. Simply beautiful all over.
Split, Croatia - A mid-size ancient (and modern) city an an unexpected pleasure. The center of Split is a Diocletian (Roman) castle that was abandoned and taken over by the locals. The mish-mash of architecture here is mind-blowing and beautiful. A true melting pot of styles. It is still lively and just feels good to be there.
Venice - Two days in the huge and beautiful city. Some people complain about how touristy Venice is, but there's a reason that tourists flock there. It is breathtakingly beautiful and unlike any other city in the world (unless you want to believe the Texan we overheard say it was 'not as good as San Antonio'). The Doge Palace (seat of the Venetian Government) was a highlight there. The kids LOVED the gondola and water taxi rides. Great shopping in the beautifully narrow and crowded streets.
Dubrovnik, Croatia - Blech. An awful town that smells bad. Overpriced. Rude locals. I have nothing nice to say about it. I'm not sure why the cruise line subjects its guests to this dump. There must be a lot of kuna going to somebody at Royal Caribbean because no one I spoke to on the ship enjoyed this hole.
Naples - We spent our day in this port at the Pompeii archaeological site. The kids really seemed to enjoy the novelty of this. It made me think a bit of a place we visited when I was a kid that attempted to recreate the authentic feeling of Bedrock during the time of The Flintstones. I really enjoyed Pompeii for the authentic feel of the place. An amazingly well-preserved Roman town. A bit of a tough slog for us in the heat and sun, perhaps our next visit there should be be in autumn.
Rome - This was not a cruise port as such, but was the port of origin. We spent a few extra days there on the back end and we were all exhausted. I could easily spend a week there but we got a fair flavor for it I think. The Coloseum and the immediately surrounding valley of Roman ruins is amazing. Since I've always loved Ben-Hur, the whole EternalCity/OriginOfWesternCivilization vibe is pretty cool by me and the feeling that this really was the center of the universe was palpable to me. The Vatican museum, St Peter's Basilica and the Sistine Chapel are beyond words.

Lots of deep thoughts and amazing sights to digest all over this beautiful part of the world. Mostly, I think the the four of us weary travelers created some memories together. That's worth a mint.

McCain energized as Palin Goes Down

2008-09-07T07:13:00.002-04:00

Great Summer, Anxious Fall

2008-09-05T13:18:00.002-04:00

I'm very sorry to see the unofficial end of summer (September 1). I tried to take a vacation from my problems (ala "What About Bob?") to have some fun and work on being a better father and husband. Fun was had. Highlights to follow:

Smaller stuff included several wonderful afternoons at the local beach. The water is very cold and the sand is a bit rocky, so the kids don't really like it that much. Somehow just being at the edge of a sweet geographical feature makes me feel good, unless it is a tar pit or sinkhole. I just love it there.

Playing with my son seems to give him great joy. I'm pretty much over Mario Kart, but it seems to make him happy and that makes me happy too.

A few spectator events that were fun:
- Monster Jam the truck rally (photo in previous entry). My boy wanted to see that, and it was my first truck rally. A big thrill for him was just seeing that these things really exist, which is not unlike the amusement I got from it. It really is a joy to see something this ridiculous and frivolous. A bit like pro wrestling only much louder and dirtier.
- Pearl Jam show. This was just me with a friend. They put on a great show. Lots of great songs, great playing and highly enthused fans.
- Radiohead show. Took my girl to see my favorite band for the first time. Total joy.
- A few Red Sox games. I always enjoy being in The "Pahk". Baseball still curls my toes.

The family trips were also fantastic. First up was a short trip to San Francisco. I had not been there since our honeymoon nearly 20 years ago. I do love it there. It feels European and that is a very good thing. The mixture of architectural styles, lifestyles, nationalities etc is that same wonderful melting pot effect that makes me love Boston. It seemed a good warm-up for the BIG trip for the kids.

The BIG trip was a Mediterranean cruise on Royal Caribbean organized by my wonderful wife. I will write a separate entry about this because I am hungry right now.

Mysterious teenage girls - VC Andrews

2008-08-12T20:08:00.004-04:00

I just finished reading a "VC Andrews" book called "Secrets in the Shadows". I paren the author because it is ghostwriter using the name formerly used by a formerly alive writer. This is a series of books that has been loved by young women for many years, so I figure it might do me some good to read up a bit. Lousy writing, little to no editing but an interesting storyline. It did give me some insight into what these books are about. It is not like any book I have read before.

Basic plot outline: Small-town teenage outcast girl and heroine (Alice) spends many angst-ridden hours painting in the attic of her grandparents' house. The same attic where her insane teenaged mother hid after killing the stepfather who molested her in a previous novel in the series. Alice's guardians buy her some new clothes and makeup hoping she will come out of her shell. She comes out of shell, hooks up with BigManOnCampus, becomes prom queen. BMOC dies in car crash on prom night because he is mad at his mother and smokes pot. Townies ostracize Alice. Alice moves to another town and lives with Aunt and Uncle.

In the new town, she meets a cute but troubled OutcastBoy. Alice befriends OB, gets naked with him (but wisely does not go all the way), and tries to bring him out of his shell. OB comes out of shell, his estranged Father dies causing OB to tie a heavy pipe to his ankles and jump in a rushing river. Alice pulls OB from river, revives him and gets him to the hospital in nick of time. Finally, Alice visits her Mom in the asylum, makes peace with her and a happy ending is had.

Interesting melodrama. I want to see the appeal of this to the average young woman. Maybe I will see it when my young woman is a bit older, but I wanna be prepared for everything. Damn fatherhood scares me. Scares the shit out of me.

Maximum Destruction

2008-07-27T22:43:00.001-04:00

A boy's big day out.
"Montser Jam is real!"

Why I lost The Who

2008-07-18T10:43:00.003-04:00

housequeer.blogspot.com my have gotten it more right, but I have to intellecualize it, so here goes.

Watching all the huge hype of the 'PantheonLegacyisness' of my favorite rock band has gotten me to thinking. The songs have worn thin on me. The current incarnation of the performing outfit just does not give me enough of a charge. That's the two main problems I have with the current product.

I find the story of The Who to still be interesting, so I'm still following the narrative. But the passion I felt for them is gone. All is not lost because the things the music gave me are still inside. Quadrophenia did save my life and I know that now more clearly than ever. I'm still living, so that alone is worth something.

And I really don't give two shits about the 'PantheonLegacy of The Who'. Their place in the world is of no interest to me at all. Frankly, I think the whole concept of musical legacy is silly.

Now the bad news about the performing outfit. As I'm tired of the old songs, and the newer ones do not reach me at all that leaves the performances themselves. There's just not enough there for me to make up for how worn the songs sound to me.

Zak Starkey is an amazing musician. Pete has figured out a new style of playing that involves much less volume and distortion that is interesting on a certain level. Simon is filling in the high vocals and some of the space vacated by John and the changes in Pete and Roger. Pino is filling in nicely for that bottom portion of John's sound. The main problem is Roger.

His voice has changed and he has not been able to find a way to perform with what is left of his chords. It is not just a matter of sound (though that is huge). It is a matter of attitude. Because the chords are a question mark, he has lost some of his balls. I hope he finds it. I don't know if it is a doctor he needs or a change in style that he needs to find. But I do hope he finds it.

The Who Whore Out

2008-07-12T10:42:00.005-04:00

I'm highlighting a few choice quotes from the press release regarding the upcoming VH1 Honors The Who thing. This brings together two things I love - Corporate bullshit and the music of The Who. Strange, but I find this stuff to be very funny. The full article can be found here:
http://www.multichannel.com/article/CA6578029.html

Highlights are below:
======================
You've heard of picture in picture. VH1's upcoming salute to British rock stalwarts The Who will be introducing a commercial-in-arena concept.
...commercials will play on the on-stage video screen during the show's seven national ad breaks...

What viewers will see at home on July 17 at 9 p.m., when a taped version of the concert event airs on VH1, VH1 Classic and MHD, are the spots from the video screen, framed by scenes from the venue, including stage set-ups, backstage footage and between-set audience activity.

“The best way to describe it is viewers are going to see the commercials as if they were in Pauley Pavilion,” VH1 president and general manager Tom Calderone said. “Our cameras are going to zero in on the big screen in the venue, with the commercials running and all the other activities going on. It's going to be 'spot in spot.' ”

“The über message is to make the integrated initiatives natural,” Calderone said. “Our ad-sales team has done a good job of making them seamless, as not to hit the viewer over the head with them.”

The network's online arm will also show select performances from the concert leading up to and following the on-air premiere at Rock.VH1.com, including Who numbers that won't be on the telecast.

“You’re not going to see a big finale with everyone on stage,” said Calderon. ”The Who is taking this very seriously and want to play many songs, even though they know all of them won’t be on the telecast.”

VH1 has also tapped Wal-Mart Checkout Network in 24 markets and the Arena Media Networks — Diamond Vision modules, as well as screens in restrooms — at five MLB ballparks...
=============

My love of the product has shrunk considerably over the last few years, but I admit that I find the hype to be intriguing right now. There will be a tour later this year and I will be interested to see just how they go about marketing their rather tired product.

Just a cool photo from yesterday @ Fenway

2008-07-10T16:49:00.000-04:00

2008-07-10T09:02:00.001-04:00

New Jonny Greenwood composition

2008-06-22T09:17:00.001-04:00

The Radiohead composer and multi-instrumentalist adds to his legacy:

Question of the week

2008-06-12T12:58:00.003-04:00

Assume for a moment that you are an adult. What if the most traumatic watershed event of your adolescence turned out to be untrue? ? ? ?

"Come on 'n Love Me"

2008-06-02T16:24:00.002-04:00

This song was a b-side of something else in 1975. I was 12. Somehow I thought it was the coolest thing ever. The poetry does not hold up:

"She's a dancer, a romancer
I'm a Capricorn and she's a Cancer
She saw my picture in a music magazine
When she met me, said she'd get me
Touched her hips and told me that she'd let me
I took her hand, baby this is what I said

I said baby, baby, don't you hesitate
'Cause I just can't wait
Lady, won't you take me down to my knees
You can do what you please
Come on and love me

I'm a man, I'm no baby
And you're lookin' every inch a lady
You're good lookin' and you're lookin' like you should be good
You were distant, now you're nearer
I can feel your face inside the mirror
The lights are out and I can feel you, baby, with my hand

I said baby, baby, don't you hesitate
'Cause I just can't wait
Lady, won't you take me down to my knees
You can do what you please
Come on and love me"

Small Town Blues - Middletown, MD

2008-05-24T17:51:00.008-04:00

I grew up in an idyllic little dairy farming town in Maryland. One side of my family had been in "God's Country" for at least three generations. I spent time on farms during my formative years. Small schools. Medium sized church. Everyone seemed to know me or someone with my last name. I loved the place, but it was a love that did not last. The place changed and I changed, we could no longer co-exist.

"God's Country" changed. As the Metropolis of Washington-Baltimore encroached, farming died away as a primary occupation. It was replaced by the federal government and its ancillary business, such as real estate development. The salt-of-the-earth farmers I respected saw their sons and daughters become bankers, bureaucrats, computer scientists and home builders. I spent some time after college trying to find an occupation for myself there. I dallied with banking, real estate sales and more banking. It seemed like I would become part of the problem, not part of any solution. Blech.

I changed. As I became a juvenile delinquent, I found myself more alone than I could imagine. The things that troubled me as an adolescent (identity, drugs, spirituality, the nature of love) could not be discussed or counseled in this small town. The church and the school were the primary devices for dealing with any and all issues. Neither of these institutions was equipped to deal with anything of consequence to me. The intimacy of the social networks made confidentiality and honesty impossible. It was a self-defeating, incestuous rumor mill.

So, I moved on to another small town many miles away from the original. Now I'm an outsider with no ancient family ties to the land. I like it here. Everyone does not know my parents, uncles, aunts and cousins. This town is growing, but not very quickly. But I still like the size and the illusion of intimacy here. That same illusion I had as a child.

Advice from Dr. Buck

2008-05-16T18:24:00.001-04:00

Percoset + Neurontin + Motrin + Sam Adams = Niiiiiccccceee
I'm not sure how it works, but it works. Very nice indeed.

Britney Spears is starting to look hot again

2008-05-08T20:29:00.001-04:00

There's something about the article in her left hand that makes me think sanity is happening here.

"ordinary guy with nothin to lose"

2008-04-16T20:16:00.001-04:00

Why Thom Yorke rules

2008-04-15T09:29:00.006-04:00

A song on Amnesiac. Cool techno-dance groove behind it. Written about the tension between Thom's writer's block after "OK Computer" and the pressure to produce new stuff. It is also about the tension I felt going into the corporate whore house every day for 15 years:

Packt Like Sardines In A Crushed Tin Box
After years of waiting
Nothing came
As your life flashed before your eyes, you realize
I'm a reasonable man, get off, get off my case, get off my case
I'm a reasonable man, get off my case, get off my case, get off my case
After years of waiting
After years of waiting
Nothing came
And you realize you're looking in, looking in the wrong place
I'm a reasonable man, get off my case, get off my case, get off my case

sample here

Best song ever - for today

2008-04-01T09:03:00.001-04:00

Sometimes when I'm listening to tunes I stumble on a song that feels like the best thing ever. On another day the very same song might seem lame.
Today, my best song EVER is "Shaft". The greatest opening riff and opening verse in all of pop history:

"Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Shaft!)
You're damn right"

Empathy between humans

2008-03-26T21:59:00.003-04:00

I've been searching for the hightest of the highest virtues.
It is not a natural skill for a Neanderthal male like me.
I reason that Jesus and all of Christendom does not address directly.
The Golden Rule takes a swipe, but doesn't quite get there.
Christian thought is more concerned with empathy between God and Man
Not between humans.
That is for shame.
For empathy is the greatest expression of Love in the universe.

Where is it?
Where do I look for it?
I hope it is inside me but I don't know.
I don't know.

Center of the universe

2008-03-25T19:05:00.003-04:00

You don't feel it, but you probably know
You hold us up just by being ours, letting us own your ass.
Still you feel as if you have to spin the galaxies with your own hands.
When you don't feel them between your fingers it drags you down
Afraid that you aren't spinning like you should.
What you don't know or maybe I don't either
Is that the galaxies still spin when you remove your hands.
We created this universe.
Your presence and love are the sustaining forces.
No hands needed for that.
Santa don't give out hands anyhow.

Funny words for a 6-year-old boy

2008-03-23T20:23:00.001-04:00

fart retarded fat cheese gas coconut

Dear Anger,

2008-03-18T19:15:00.007-04:00

You reacted on my behalf to...
A noise interrupting my peace
A cold wet sensation in my pants
An emptiness in my tummy.
Yell, thrash, kick and punch.

My powerlessness pissed me off.
You rose from my soul uncontrollable.
Not enough love
Not enough attention
I want something now
Humiliation
No Fair!
Its not funny!

I learned to use you for amusement.
Young Man Blues
Rebel Without a Cause
Stir you together with some fresh testosterone and adrenaline.
A powerfully intoxicating mix.
I loved you then.

I found more sophisticated uses for you.
Push the asshole's buttons.
You rose inside of him
And took control of the bully.
I can use you for the forces of good
Now that is funny!

I became the alpha dog.
You came when the pups were under threat.
Primordial force up from my toes
Unleashed toward the source.
Look what you did for the pack.
Look what you did to me.

You hit me up side my head.
Where the hell did you come from that time?
My intentions were good.
You came from a wounded soul, a soul I didn't know.
I hide from you.

What purpose do you serve?
How can a civilised man get you under control?
You are so powerful, unpredictable, useful, destructive.
Stay away please
I hate you now.

Operating Room Dairy

2008-03-04T18:51:00.003-05:00

I had some easy surgery last week. A strange thought occurred during the short time I lay on the table before the drugs knocked me out. I like strange thoughts, so here 'tis:
The smell, the lighting, the feel of the place reminded me very vividly of the beautiful dairy rooms in the farms of my youth. I'm talking about the clean room where the milk is pasteurized and stored before it is pumped out by the tanker that takes it to the bottler. Such a cool thing. Amongst all the dirt, shit and earthiness of the farm you had this sterile room with gleaming floors, disinfectant, stainless steel and glass. Both beautiful aesthetics made more beautiful by the contrast.
OK, so maybe the drugs were already in me.

competition

2008-02-17T20:20:00.002-05:00

Actual conversation from last week:
How are you?
I'm a bit depressed, to tell the truth. Bad weather. I'm a little sick. My mother has been sick. How are you?
I'm a bit depressed myself.
Well, you are depressed for good reason. It must be hard. Do you have any promise of finding another job?
No real prospects. If this is a competion, I don't think I want to win.
***fake laughing ensues***

fake laugh

2008-02-15T12:52:00.002-05:00

I don't have a hearty real laugh, and I seem to be missing one of the genes that makes people likable. The gene that provides the fake laugh. I can smile, but I have no heh-heh, ha-ha, huh-huh, tee-hee or the the ever huge bah-hah. Mabye its the same gene that makes me an asshole.

Damn, I'm bored. This has got to be one of the longest workdays ever.

Bright Bulb

2008-02-09T14:10:00.000-05:00

A parent, spouse, worker, homemaker, friend...a responsible adult
Forty rewarding years of working it to perfection
Somehow some small thing in her was not getting its due
A little rock and roll
Some harmless hero worship
A change of scenery
Many new people to meet, lifelong friends to make
That thing inside her that was not getting its due came alive
It not only came alive, it burned brightly
Others were drawn to the light and they were warmed by it

fun day

2008-02-05T09:46:00.001-05:00

can i embed? yes i can.

2008-01-23T20:21:00.001-05:00

Bud Selig digs deep for answers to baseball's drug issues...

2008-01-16T14:21:00.001-05:00